pRaEsEpe

貓一般的預言，說應該在這裡轉彎。

左轉。

縱然姿態可笑，
不要再向右邊看。




Things are emptying out. Forever is arbitrary.
No one is willing to make a left turn.  Have you seen the violet sky on the right side?
Desires don't turn into plans, plans are made in order to have newer plans.
There is no right track to be on.
Path lays out, path closes up, it doesn't matter.  You don't have a choice.
Decisions have been made. Free will is arbitrary.
Turn left.
Don't look back.

 
 



There is no justice.


正義是約定俗成的相對主觀。






(tarot art from here)

New Moon conjunct Ascendant.
再一次進入循環。

一切如新。

一直以來都認為自己是stress free類型。可能無病呻吟了一點，但本質上快樂無憂。大概是因為我生性冷漠，隨隨便便，對很多事情都不在乎，又缺乏執著。有人問過我為什麼不論念書或工作，我都一副沒所謂沒壓力的樣子。反正就是這樣，c'est la vie，活著快樂最重要。

到這幾年才發覺潛意識裡對壓力竟然有相當大程度的承受。這些壓力大都是外來的，我想我表面上漠不關心但在心裡還是極富責任感。可恨的社會化，we want to live up to others' expectations。

終於發覺這件事的原因，說起來有點淒涼。年紀大了，離二十幾歲越來越遠，身體狀況簡直像壓力試紙一樣，只要在壓力環境之下，就會有健康問題出現。往往我的主體意識還沒有感覺，身體就先顯現該休息的徵兆。

像現在，葉門人同事請假回葉門六個禮拜。本來還悠悠哉哉，忙碌做著兩人份的工作也不以為意，直到昨天發現兩腿大水腫，才知道原來我隨時在想工作的事情，壓力來了，

該關電腦去睡覺了。

朝生暮死的原始生命裡，哪一段能夠成為記憶？


昨天怎麼會離今天這麼遠。

My heart breaks into pieces when Kentridge, Kaufman, and Schopenhauer all got squeezed into one weekend.

The world starts to make sense,



too much sense. 

---

• William Kentridge - Five Themes, MoMA, Feb 24, - May 17, 2010

"Everything can be saved. Everything is provisional. A prior action is rescued by that which follows. A drawing abandoned is revived by the next drawing."



在芝加哥現代美術館MCA第一次看William Kentridge. 坐在黑暗的房間裡看著七個動畫短片同時播放，surreal but serene。 今天才知道芝加哥展的那一小部分是Kentridge在五個主題裡最平靜的時刻(Artist in the Studio)。他其他時期的主題作品 - 除了魔笛(The Magic of Flute) - 則充滿了政治社會批判及暴力。叔本華說在音樂與藝術裡可以暫時解放忘卻世間苦惱，但現在的所謂藝術已經由追求美轉化到追求現實。MoMA裡所有的展覽都是這麼disturbingly close to reality，我們要到哪裡才該喘息?


-- Also at MoMA: Marina Abramović: The Artist Is Present   (contains live performance, nudity & performance by the artist herself)

• Charlie Kaufman - Adaptation

"We're all one thing, Lieutenant. That's what I've come to realize. Like cells in a body. 'Cept we can't see the body. The way fish can't see the ocean. And so we envy each other. Hurt each other. Hate each other. How silly is that? A heart cell hating a lung cell." - Cassie from THE THREE

"You and I share the same DNA. Is there anything more lonely than that? "

 

Although director Spike Jonze very much deserves the credit as well, Kaufman gave the soul of screenplay to this screenplay.  時間與空間不在，意志與表象不在，現實與想像不在。到頭來終究要一隻上帝之手，an act of God, deus ex machina.

• Arthur Schopenhauer - Die Welt als Wille und Vorstellung (叔本華 - 意志與表象的世界)

"觀自在菩薩行深般若波羅密多時，照見五蘊皆空，度一切苦厄" - 心經



唯心主義者在批判唯物主義時浪漫情懷依舊。哲學家對他們所相信的對世界真理的解釋充滿熱情，以致於始終有一個堅定的信仰。They care about the Truth so passionately，而又如此想要從填不滿的慾望(意志)裡得到解脫。

我好想趕快看完這本書。